Think Bigger | Start Smaller

I don’t know what my problem is. I’ve sat down to write a blog post at least ten times since I published the last one and my mind just blanks. It’s not like there’s not ideas there, I’m full of ideas -- it’s just the actual execution of items is so difficult for me sometimes. Have you ever seen the illustration with the four quadrants Important, Not Important, Urgent, and Not Urgent?

The box of Important + Not Urgent is my biggest struggle. If I don’t have some kind of externally imposed timeline, or someone else waiting for me to do something, it’s like pulling hairs to get it done.

Then I begin to spiral: why can’t I perform a task that’s ultimately for myself?

What does that say about my relationship with myself and my self-worth?

Does that mean I’ll never be a successful entrepreneur?

Should I get a job?

And we all know… once a spiral begins, there goes the creativity, the enjoyment, and the sense of freedom and adventure.

Sometimes I think I exist inside on giant spiral.

But then. A sunny day. An inspiring book or podcast. A friend who believes in me. A moment of calm inside my head and here I am, typing feverishly away.

I’m thinking back, what caused this moment to happen? So much of what I do is looking for a pattern, looking for anything I can automate or even just KNOW to be true. I did just write some emails. Maybe that got my writing juices flowing. It’s 6:13pm on a Thursday. Could that be it? I just had a minor medical procedure done where the doctor’s orders were to go home and lay on my couch with my legs up. Maybe that’s the magic sauce.

I don’t like being at the mercy of inspiration. It’s too tiring. It’s too uncertain. I know all these successful people preach consistency and showing up when it’s hard and writing even if you don’t feel like it, but what if you just can’t? Is that a possibility?

Or is it part of my life’s calling to figure it out and share it with others who struggle with the same tendencies. What if the Important + Not Urgent items get done exactly when they’re supposed to? Who says I should publish one blog once a week at a scheduled time? (literally everybody lol)

So, here we are. I can feel spring coming on. I feel the energy rising inside my skull. The ideas and the taglines and the perpetual endless possibilities are coming to the surface. This is my purpose today, to finish writing this post and keep reading my book, to feed myself and my child and get us both to bed.

Tomorrow, I will find tomorrow’s purpose. Maybe it will be to start working on my taxes. Maybe it will be something else.

This week’s epiphany is this. I refuse to downsize to fit the mold. I won’t stop dreaming really big and wild dreams. You should see my manifestation visualizations, they’re full of stages and crowds and book tours and tv interviews. But I have to start smaller than I think.

Maybe all of that will come, maybe it won’t. I can’t control the future, but I can control if I sit down and write a blog post when I don’t feel like it. I think that’s the juice to that phrase that came to me yesterday: Think Bigger | Start Smaller. I’ve always known I was meant to be doing something big, but if you sit around all day and don’t do anything at all, there’s an irreconcilable discrepancy.

I think the trick is to start so small it seems silly. I sat down to write one email. I know many people write many emails daily, but for me, one email was the small hurdle that got me going.

I’ve obviously been graced with the gift of gab, now to focus on growing the muscle of consistency. Maybe I should finally read Atomic Habits. I’m about to have time to read anything I want. I’m single again. On purpose.

Thanks for reading my blog post, let me know what you think! Oh, and subscribe to my newsletter. It doesn’t exist yet.