Day 28: As the Dust Settles
““People with high levels of trait self-control are good at avoiding temptation — not resisting it.””
When I first read Atomic Habits, this conversation stood out to me: that the best most resolved habit keepers don’t necessarily have higher levels of willpower than most (although this may be true), but instead design their environments in a way that makes sticking to the new habit easier.
Those of us working to build better habits might like to focus on how we lack willpower or discipline, but truly -- the question isn’t: “how can I muscle my way through this identity change?”, but instead: “how can I make this change so intuitive to accomplish that it’s almost easier to do it than not?”
I used to focus on how hard it might be to create better habits for myself. Let’s use working out as an example. I would plan (in my head, mind you, not with a partner) to go running the next day. Then I would stay up late drinking, not put out my running shoes AND forget to set my alarm.
Do you think I established a running habit this way? If we wait for “the thing” to get easy, on it’s own at least, we will be waiting forever.
Recently, daily exercise has become a habit, which I define as something that I do without having to think about.
Here’s some things I now do differently:
I (usually) sit down on Sunday and plan out my workouts. Okay, these mornings I’m going to yoga right after dropping Luna at school, these mornings I’m lifting weights and I’ll have my plan ready. And this becomes more routine as time passes.
If you watched my most recent IG video, I talked about this: I get my workout done before lunch. No negotiating this. And because I prefer a fasted workout, I literally have to workout before I eat, otherwise I feel gross. I found that leaving my workout for the end of the day usually meant it would not get done.
Don’t go ham every day. This morning my workout was several loops in the woods behind Kyle’s house and then a silly game of pickleball/squash in his garage (yes, this is as hilarious and insane as it sounds). Then later, I walked to my coffee date with a friend.
This one goes without saying, but I’ve also experienced my mental health decline significantly when I don’t move my body. It’s a direct correlation, no secrets there. I actually want to be as sane and happy feeling as possible.
I’ve found workouts that I love. I will die on this hill -- you’re not going to stick with something that feels like a chore that you don’t enjoy. Sure, it is fun to have an excel spreadsheet for your workouts. (I mean, not to me, but maybe to someone else) But if you don’t look forward to your exercise (or anything for that matter), you will eventually quit.
I like to be fit and healthy. Now that I’ve been both, I can compare. I hate the feeling of sitting down and my pants squeezing my stomach fat and being uncomfortable in my own skin. It truly sucks. I know how to prevent that, so I do.
And I know someone might get tired of hearing me talk about this BUT: don’t drink alcohol a ton. It’s poison and disrupts literally everything. It contributes to anxiety and weight gain and decreased motivation and bad poops. I go back and forth between drinking “some” and drinking “none” and this past month of drinking none has been so great.
I’ve danced, I’ve fucked, I’ve established a new relationship, I’ve fought, I’ve stayed up late and went to bed early -- but it’s all clearer and more enjoyable and easier to recover from when I’m not hungover.
Also this: if you can’t imagine enjoying your life without alcohol, this is an emergency. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been so tied to drinking alcohol as an identity and lifestyle that the thought of living without it filled me with CRIPPLING ANXIETY.
If this is you, know that it doesn’t have to be. Sure, that does mean there’s a ton of inner work to do, but like James Clear said in his newsletter today: “It's never the right time, but right now is usually the best time.”
No one is coming to save you, it’s on you buddy.
So, let’s wrap this up. If you’re trying to create a new habit, make it easy on yourself! Put yourself (or create) environments that are conducive to the desired behavior. If you are trying to drink less, don’t keep alcohol in the house. Same goes for junk food.
If you are trying to work out more or learn a new skill, put that shit in the calendar and invite someone to join, while we will often cancel on ourselves, sometimes having an accountabilibuddy can make all the difference.
Another aspect of habit formation I love is this: focus on what you are gaining, not giving up.
When we stop binge watching netflix, we are gifting ourselves time and space and clarity for our own ideas to form.
When we stop relying on alcohol to get us through life, we are gaining agency and feeling and the opportunity to evaluate if those people are even your real friends.
Yes, change is hard -- but I’ve found that staying stuck is harder. And for god’s sakes: if you need help HIRE A DAMN LIFE COACH. Like me. *winky face*
