Day 7: Boredom Sets In
““There are no endings. If you think so, you are deceived as to their nature. They are all beginnings.””
I have such big plans in my head. Grandiose even. I start the week out thinking, “why, I’ll wake up at 5am every single day” or “I’m gonna finish this book or that book”, but then as the week goes on, my screen time grows and grows. That’s going to be a new focus, less scrolling and more sitting with the discomfort of being unoccupied.
I’m pretty sure boredom, for me, has mostly been taken up by scrolling, drinking alcohol or watching tv. Why is it that we are so quick to avoid these feelings? It’s almost like my brain, at the first sign of boredom or stillness or even uncertainty, desperately wants to be entertained.
I’ll tell you what’s not entertaining, being sober for a week. On day 1, when I make the decision, I’m all like, can’t wait for my life to change and for everything to get easier, and that’s just false pretense.
The distress and anguish caused by deciding to drink and the repercussions following are awful, but at least they’re not boring.
Come to think of it though, I think boredom has a bad rap. Maybe boredom is good. Maybe boredom is where the deep thoughts are allowed to occur. Maybe boredom is the gateway to making positive shifts.
I know that being constantly distracted and high on cortisol is no way to shift a mindset.
Here’s what I’ve experienced in the past week of being sober.
Friends and colleagues are concerned, shocked even: “but drinking is fun, how will you have fun?” That seems to be the main consensus around alcohol, that it’s fun.
My body almost immediately started to lean out. Of course, it’s all a domino effect. Without hangovers, there’s no skipped workouts and latenight binge eating or lack of sleep, all of which are detrimental to my physical health. I can’t fast if I’m hungover, but since I haven’t been, my workouts and fasting schedule have been spot on.
I’ve experienced *some* mental clarity. It’s not like I turned into Einstein overnight. This is also layered on top of being at the beginning of a new relationship, which is always a bit disorienting, simply due to a general reorganization of routine.
No more wake up in the morning and panic immediately because “what did I say?”, “what texts did I send?”, “what did I do?”, “who did I kiss?” -- nothing like that. I’ve had far too many mornings like that and it’s frankly not worth it anymore. Like at all. (was it ever?)
There’s been no magical effect on my career or client acquisition or content creation or anything like that. I wish I could say, wow, my brain is just like AI now and so fast and I have the best ideas, but my brain is still my brain. Due to the new relationship, I have spent some nights not getting as much sleep as usual, and that affects me greatly.
I’ve spent so much less money. When I drink, there’s certain values / goals that just go out the window. I go out to eat MUCH more, buy alcohol out at restaurants, spend money on the credit card. This past week I made meals and ate them at the house. And they were delicious.
On several occasions, I’ve had a damn good time and remembered it all. In the past week I: went to a Retro Prom party and hammed it up on the dance floor, visited friends in Atlanta for the Decatur Arts Festival, been hiking, hosted a party, been to a party, networked at several business events and guess what? I’m alive and well and I even enjoyed them all.
The list could go on and on. I’m glad I wrote it. Sometimes it’s easier to put things in perspective when I’m actually documenting them. The effect of alcohol on me are vast and I sometimes start to let the booze win.
There’s a cultural narrative that I should be drinking to enjoy myself or let loose at the end of the day. That’s just a lie. If I allow myself to enjoy the experiences I’m having without alcohol, it’s always better.
Is it hard to not have a familiar friend in my corner of the ring? Sure. But it’s not a true friend.
Is it scary to feel all the unpleasant feelings of boredom and restlessness and angst and uncertainty and not have a drink to relieve that pressure? Yeah, duh. That’s why the alcohol business is thriving.
Do I wish I could never want alcohol? Yeah, that would make it easier, but when I kick sugar, it’s not like my sugar cravings go away immediately. In fact, they get worse before they get better.
The fact is, when I drink, I always wish I didn’t. It seems like a no-brainer to me.
Anyway, comment below if this resonated with you or if you have comments, questions or opinions on the matter.
Here’s to living lives well lived. (we’re cheersing with NA drinks, duh)
